Proving 101

Courting and the Process of Courting 

There has to be order and done right 

No dating in Israel – that is considered whoredom 

Sirach 6:7 [If thou wouldst get a friend, proue him first, and be not hasty to credit him.] 

In courting a friend in this context would be someone that you are interested in for marriage 

Prove (Merriam-Webster) 

: to test the worth or quality of 

Prove them first 

You should take your time, ask questions, to get to know the person 

Watch their actions of what they do and do not do, what fruits have they had in the body 

Be not hasty to credit him 

Don’t quickly come up with a conclusion of how a person is without taking the time to know them 

Ask questions not only about her, but her environment (friends she spends time with, family, things that she does and do not do) 

Bad marriages did not exercise this commandment because of lust 

Many backdoor marriages came about because of lust 

There should be some attraction, but the commandments must go along with it 

6 months is not enough time to betroth 

The Most High brings the people together, but we must give both a potential spouse and ourselves time 

Tobit 8:7 [And now, O Lord, I take not this my sister for lust, but vprightly: therefore mercifully ordeine, that wee may become aged together.] 

In general, people come together based on lust alone 

Because of a lack of structure (the commandments) they end up breaking up or divorced 

The goal is to become aged together. We are to spend the rest of our life with the other. 

There is no divorce because of lack of interest in each other 

Israelites new to the truth, usually will look upon the outward appearance of another 

Outward appearance is a part of attaction because each one has their likes, but ultimately it should be based on the commandments 

Sirach 36:22-23  

22 [The beautie of a woman cheareth the countenance, and a man loueth nothing better.] 

This is not only outward, but also how a woman acts (her attitude) 

Men do not want to come home to a loud and mean wife (feels like captivity both in and away from home) 

*Marriage counseling should be from leadership that is married 

Leadership that is single should only give tips on marriage based on the scriptures 

23 [If there be kindnesse, meekenes, and comfort in her tongue, then is not her husband like other men.] 

Comfort in her tongue 

To be off with speech outside of this bible 

Using wisdom in their speech instead of acting upon emotions (which is sin) 

Determine if what about to say will benefit a situation or not 

In a marriage, the man is the Lord 

The sister must understand this and a brother must earn this 

A sister will not follow a man who does not have their stuff together 

Still living with parents and trying to court 

1 Peter 3:1-4 

1 [Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;] 

The husband will get you to the kingdom based on your actions as a wife 

We all will walk into the kingdom by ourselves, but how a wife acts is her trial 

Will she let her emotions or wisdom take the forefront when dealing with her husband? 

Example: How is a wife supposed to react if her husband comes home after a bad day at work, and has anger towards her when she didn’t do anything? 

She should be humble and do not step outside of the law 

If she cannot calm her husband down, she should stay out of the way until her husband has calmed down, and then talk to him 

In the world, sisters would argue back, it is not the norm in this society for sisters to be humble. 

If they are given attitude, they will reciprocate it and lead to even greater drama. 

A sister must search to the bible in how to become a wife 

If any obey not the word, they can be won by the conversation of the wives 

A wife is a reflection of the husband, so they must be able to act according to the commandments 

They can see who you are based on how your wife acts 

If your husband is out of the spirit, others should she righteousness in the wife, to win him and others over 

With all the stress that we get from the world, the wife should be a pillar of rest 

Men do not want a woman to rule over them (America has molded women to act this way today) 

If a woman is not willing to submit to a godly man, she is not ready for marriage 

2 [While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.] 

Chaste (Merriam-Webster) 

: pure in thought and act 

Synonyms: clean, decent, immaculate (having or containing no flaw or error),  
modest (: neither bold nor self-assertive) 

3 [Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;] 

For married wives or single sisters 

It does not matter to the Most High how righteous you look 

Plaiting the hair (BeautifiedDesigns) 

Plaited hair, or braided hair, is a tried-and-true, yet versatile and beautiful way to style your hair for a night on the town, a day in the countryside, an hour at the gym, or even for a fancy wedding. Whether you have longer or shorter hair, there is an endless variety of plaited hair that you can experiment with that has remained stylish for decades, if not centuries.  

4 [But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.] 

Ornament – something you can see 

A meek and quiet spirit are attributes of a wife that must be seen 

Some sisters wear their emotions on their face (some do not put in the effort to smile) 

Must have faith in the Most High that everything is going to be alright 

Must know how to correct your husband, in order, based on the scriptures 

If a woman does not study, how can she know what kind of husband to want 

Is a brother’s actions based on the commandments 

Can you see him as a god on earth 

1 Corinthians 11:3 [But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.] 

The divine order set up by the Most High 

The leader of men is Christ, and the lord of the woman is the man 

Woman either follow or will die 

We do not know how to treat each other, how we act are based on America (we are royalty but do not act as such) 

A woman must be able to see the lord in their husband, not be fake and just do it because others are doing it 

In building a nation, anything less than a godly man is unacceptable 

Proving is not dating, it is an examination of one another and whether you are willing to spend the rest of your life with the other person or not 

It is during the proving process that you must ask questions and really find out if the person is who want to be with 

Everyone, however, will have their issues when walking into the body 

Determine if the flaws are something that you can work with or not 

Some people want to lead so are looking for weak brothers 

Brothers should be looking for a meek and quiet wife 

*Just quoting scriptures does not make a brother godly, it is about application 

Genesis 2:18 [And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.] 

Women must be able to be a help meet to her husband 

You must learn the brother’s or sister’s strengths and weaknesses and how they fit with you and what you would bring to a relationship 

Ex: A brother may be a good worker, but has trouble organizing and paying bills, and the sister can help with that. 

Learning each other can take years. Jacob waited 7 years for his wife. We must be patient. 

Sirach 26:23 [A wicked woman is giuen as a portion to a wicked man: but a godly woman is giuen to him that feareth the Lord.] 

If you do not give enough time to prove a person, anything that happens down the road is on you 

You will not fully know a person until move in together in marriage (when much of the trials will happen) 

There is not type of sexual contact while proving 

If courting someone in another state, must go to the other state and be around them in the congregation 

What benefits does she have as a wife (cooking, sewing, works in the body) 

Does she put any work in 

Sex should not be the only thing that a sister can offer 

Why prove a person amongst the body? 

Cannot leave any space for satan to come through (the reason for chaperones) 

When alone together, the temptation tends to take over, must have the will to keep the commandments 

1 Corinthians 7:1-2 

1 [Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.] 

2 [Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.] 

If you are battling with fornication, or not strong enough, it is good to marry 

You want to be able to age together because lust dwindles over time 

Form a friendship with your spouse for the time when the sexual desire does begin to fade 

Deuteronomy 23:17 [There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.] 

Sisters are not supposed to be whoring themselves out 

The number one reason people get kicked from the congregation is fornication 

Some were not even proving and linked up 

Brothers should have love and respect for a sister to not make her a whore 

Leviticus 19:17 [Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.] 

We must have enough love for our neighbor to not allow them to sin or be involved in the sin 

If you love your sister, you will not lie with a sister before marriage and end up being forced into a marriage before being ready 

You want to be a beautiful example in the nation of doing the process the correct way and having a blessed marriage 

Proverbs 22:1 [A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.] 

Your reputation in this truth is everything 

You do not what to be known for a backdoor marriage 

Is the wife willing to pick up the slack 

Proverbs 31:10-12  

10 [Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.] 

It is rare to find a virtuous woman 

11 [The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.] 

The mind of the husband must be able to trust in his wife 

If there is no trust during the proving phase, the best action would be to stop before committing to that man or woman 

If there is no trust in your marriage/friendship, a good foundation cannot be started 

12 [She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.] 

Many ways as a wife and proving sister to do good by the man 

Provide if a brother loses a job 

It is a shame for a man not to take care of his household 

It takes time to know a person and the benefits they may bring 

Proverbs 31 must be applied to your life, it is not just a saying 

Deuteronomy 6:7 [And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.] 

Fathers and Mothers must teach the children how to be husbands and wives 

Many sisters want to be a career woman and do not bring any value to a marriage 

The skills they acquire should be used to help her household and the nation 

There is nothing wrong with going to school, but the priorities must be correct 

We cannot just expect our children to be a good husband and wife without teaching them 

The Most High finds favor in a wife 

Children must see the example at home, to know what they should expect when they get older 

Many times there is not a man in the house to show a daughter how a man is supposed to treat his wife and a how to show a son how to be a godly man 

Proverbs 15:1 [A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.] 

In the proving phase and in marriage this must be applied 

You have to be blameless in everything 

Do not allow another’s emotions to affect you negatively and bring you out of the spirit 

You also must be able to sustain your own place 

Have you place before another moves in 

It takes discipline for lust not to take over 

We are not scared of men, so we become prideful and bold and do what we want to do 

1 Corinthians 7:29 [“But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;”] 

The men have to get a nation together 

The men may have to travel, camp, work 

We must balance time between the work of God, work for sustaining the family, and your wife 

Betrothal = Engagement 

Israel has a specific order in marriage 

Betrothal (Merriam-Webster) 

a mutual promise or contract for a future marriage 

Marriage Ceremony 

Marriage chamber where consummated the marriage 

The tokens of virginity 

The feast 

Marriage is a serious deal in Israel