Proving Before Marriage

Steps before getting married 

When wanting a significant other in this truth 

1 Corinthians 7 [We are to marry within the Lord]  

1 Thessalonians 5:21 [Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.] 

When proving someone when must know and confirm that the brother or sister is of good works. 

Sirach 6:7 [If thou wouldst get a friend, proue him first, and be not hasty to credit him.] 

We do not want to put an unnecessary burden upon ourselves by adding someone to us that is not about the work of the Lord or will not benefit you in other matters such as caring for the home (as with women), or is slothful to do any work (as with men) 

Do not be too hasty to credit a brother or sister, especially based on an outward appearance. 

We must know whether a brother or sister has had good or bad works in the body. 

Credit (Merriam Webster) 

: to consider usually favorably as the source, agent, or performer of an action or the possessor of a trait 

: reliance on the truth or reality of something 

gave credit to everything he said 

Give no credit to idle rumors. 

archaic : to bring credit or honor upon 

1 John 4:1 [Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.] 

Don’t believe every spirit 

Ephesians 5:31 [“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”] 

We must try the spirit as to whether it is of God especially in the case of marriage because it is forever. The wise action to take is to prove the person before being locked together forever in the eyesight of God. 

In proving a friend there are things we need to look out for. 

Ecclesiastes 7:1 [A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.] 

We have to make sure that a brother or sister has a good reputation around their peers. 

A good name = the acts or works of an idividual 

A good name is better than the most expensive perfumes 

With a good name, righteous men and women can vouch for the brother or sister 

When proving, we should also inquire about the works and behavior of a brother or sister by those that are around them the most. 

How to get a good name Sirach 37:12 [But be continually with a godly man, whom thou knowest to keepe the commandements of the Lord, whose minde is according to thy minde, and will sorrow with thee, if thou shalt miscarry.] 

We must be continually be with godly men and women (the leadership and their wives) 

They can teach you from experience how to have good works in order to get a good name 

This will allow leadership to vouch for you when necessary because of your good name, when a brother or sister inquires about a potential spouse. 

Keeping the commandments of the Lord is an important part of your works 

Those of a like mind (agree together) are those you should be around to and agree about Christ, keeping the commandments, and that we are Israel 

Sirach 25:1 [In three things I was beautified, and stoode vp beautiful, both before God and men: the vnitie of brethren, the loue of neighbours, a man and a wife that agree together.] 

The main thing a man and wife should agree together in is their beliefs 

One cannot believe that they are an Israelite and the other still in Christianity 

We must marry in the Lord under one body, one mind, and one spirit 

Ephesians 4:3-5     

What should women look out for in a godly man 

2 Thessalonians 3:10-11  

10 [For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.] 

The man would lack the income to pay for the food 

11 [For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.] 

A man has to work, especially if wanting a wife and children. 

You cannot provide for your household without some sort of income 

The disorderly are those who are slothful and refusing to work 

The question should be whether or not the brother has a job, and is he able to keep the job to support the household 

A brother must be able to take care of himself before even thinking about getting a wife 

Sirach 22:1-2  

1 [A slouthful man is compared to a filthy stone, and euery one will hisse him out to his disgrace.] 

Women must be aware if a brother has a lazy spirit 

A lazy person will not get any respect amongst others in the body. When he comes around the people he tends to be despised in their eyes because of his lack of good works. 

2 [A slouthfull man is compared to the filth of a dunghill: euery man that takes it vp, will shake his hand.] 

The bible compares a lazy brother to feces and no one wants to deal with him 

Sirach 29:21-22  

21 [The chiefe thing for life is water and bread, and clothing, and an house to couer shame.] 

With money from a job, then a brother can afford the chief things in life. 

The bible commands a man to provide water, food, clothing, and a home for him and his family 

22 [Better is the life of a poore man in a meane cottage, then delicate fare in another mans house.] 

If is better to have a simple home that is your own, than to live comfortably in another man’s house especially if the other brother has a family that he is taking care of. 

John 1:34-39 

Christ, the Apostles, and Paul left us an example of how to walk in this world 

34 [And I saw, and bare record that this is the Son of God.] 

35 [Again the next day after John stood, and two of his disciples;] 

36 [And looking upon Jesus as he walked, he saith, Behold the Lamb of God!] 

37 [And the two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus.] 

38 [Then Jesus turned, and saw them following, and saith unto them, What seek ye? They said unto him, Rabbi, (which is to say, being interpreted, Master,) where dwellest thou?] 

39 [He saith unto them, Come and see. They came and saw where he dwelt, and abode with him that day: for it was about the tenth hour.] 

Christ had a dwelling place. He was not homeless. 

Proverbs 10:26 [As vinegar to the teeth, and as smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to them that send him.] 

Vinegar is bitter and smoke burns your eyes, and a lazy man is compared to these things 

Matthew 19:4-5 

4 [And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,] 

5 [And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?] 

A man is instructed to bring his wife into his own home to raise a family, not live off his parents in their home. 

The brother is to have a home and a job to maintain his family so his wife can help him out by focusing on her duties as a woman and not have to maintain her husband. 

Ecclesiastes 7:12 [For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it.] 

We must determine whether or not a brother or sister has enough wisdom to manage money to pay for they items they need to survive as well as the bills. 

Ecclesiastes 10:19 [A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things.] 

Money answers all things (pay the bills, buy food and clothing, pay the rent or mortgage) 

What should men look for in a godly woman 

Men cannot just cleave to any woman, we must look for a sister that will aid us in our life. 

We must make sure that a potential spouse that we are proving is in order. 

Sirach 7:26 [Hast thou a wife after thy minde? forsake her not, but giue not thy selfe ouer to a light woman.] 

A light woman is a silly simple-minded sister, or uneducated in how to be a woman 

Sirach 19:4 [4 He that is hasty to giue credit is light minded, and he that sinneth shall offend against his owne soule.] 

A person hasty to give credit is considered light minded because they do not think to prove the other person or try the spirit if that other person submits themselves to the will of God 

Social media is not enough to determine if a brother or sister is the best fit for you 

Men have to ask questions to find a woman’s true personality, and not look to marry a woman just because of a few things she does well 

Proving takes time, effort, and work. Marriage is a long term commitment that we have to get correct in order to not be stuck with a spouse that has hidden their true nature. 

1 Tim 5:14 [I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.] 

It is preferable that the younger women marry instead of burning in their lust. 

After marriage, they are to have children with a man that can provide for her and their children. 

This is why it is important when proving to seek a man that can take care of a family. 

Another duty of the woman is to order the household 

It is their duty to maintain the household and clean it 

Brothers should make sure that the woman is able to clean the home, as well as herself 

Does she have experience cleaning or is it something that needs to be taught to her 

1 Samuel 8:13 [And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be bakers.] 

Confectionaries (AV1611 – KJV Dictionary) 

n. One whose occupation is to make, or to sell sweetmeats, &c 

King James Bible Companion – perfume/ointment maker; perfumer 

Daughters were raised to be cooks. Men should ask whether or not a sister is able to cook 

Is she able to do things such as make unleavened bread and eventually teach her daughter to cook in order to keep the custom going in the future for her own family 

We must prove if the qualities of a brother or sister is really in their spirit or are they just keeping up appearances in front of the body (their representative) 

Proverbs 31:24 [She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.] 

The bible is detailing a woman who is sewing and making clothing for her household and because of the skill, as a business (ex. A creator of a clothing line). 

Industrious (Merriam Webster) 

: constantly, regularly, or habitually active or occupied : diligent 

The funds from selling the clothing can also be use to help the man do what he needs to be done for the household 

Proverbs 31:27 [She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.] 

The woman knows how to maintain her household, including clean, decorate, and keep it in order while her husband goes out and provides for them.     

When a woman eats the bread of idleness she is slothful and unwilling to maintain the house (ex. Always being on social media instead of cleaning, cooking, or teaching the children. She is reluctant to help out her husband in any way.) 

Proverbs 31:26 [She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.] 

You want to seek a woman that speaks within the laws of God and can elaborate on the scriptures gracefully 

She knows how to be discreet and speak correctly to her husband and others, as well as raise up her children 

Grace (Merriam Webster) 

3 a: a charming or attractive trait or characteristic 

b: a pleasing appearance or effect : charm 

1 Peter 3:3-4  

3 [Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;] 

We must know whether or not the sister takes care of her outward appearance. Her looks is not the most important aspect when proving, because when getting to know someone they will trying to show the best side of them. A brother must find out though if it is a part of a sister’s spirit or is she just doing it to be attractive at this stage. 

Whether or not a sister prides herself on maintaining her beauty is an idication of how she would maintain the relationship after marriage. 

4 [But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.] 

Can a sister stay in the spirit of meekness even when her husband would get out of it and treat her roughly for no fault of her own? These can only be found out by thoroughly proving a sister and asking questions about her behavior to those that know her best. 

This verse is not saying that the sister is to be silent, only that she maintains her humbleness. 

The true beauty of a sister is the spirit within her. 

She must know how to maintain her spirit when dealing with her husband.